tezcatl_ipoca: (upper VI)
[personal profile] tezcatl_ipoca
It's a cold afternoon, and grey. Nothing like the last afternoon Al and I spent in the woods, but it doesn't matter - we're not out here for the weather. In the rucksack on my back the whiskey bottle is buried under a blanket and torch and matches. Our winter coats have been brought out of storage now, and I think later I'll be glad to have mine, though now wearing it over my blazer is rather too hot.

"Is this right?" I ask Al, looking around to recognize the place we'd agreed to meet Syl.

[Open to Syl and Al]

Date: 2009-11-15 09:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
We walk out of school and into the woods. It feels like an adventure, and I suppose it is. I look over at Tez, trudging under the weight of his winter coat and his rucksack, and I grin quite fondly.

"Is this right?" asks Tez, after we've walked about a mile into the woods.

"I think so," I say, looking around the glade. It's very quiet here, the day too overcast for many people to want to go out walking, and I'm glad. I drop my own bag, which contains a couple of books of poetry and sandwiches. I know I feel hungry all the time, so I think they'll come in handy. "It seems a good spot." I move over to Tez, all wrapped up, and put my arms around his neck so I can kiss him. I grin and step back. "Should I look for firewood?" I say. "It's been dry the last couple of days, which is good... I hate trying to light wet firewood."

Date: 2009-11-15 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
I lean into his kiss happily. "Should I look for firewood? It's been dry the lat couple of days, which is good... I hate trying to light wet firewood."

I drop my bag and start unpacking it. Syl can sit on the blanket, if she hasn't brought anything - the ground will be old. "Light a lot of fires, do you?" I grin. I imagine his house has plenty of fireplaces, but I can't imagine they make him light the fires. "And it'd be a good idea. We should find some rocks, too, or heavier logs - keep the fire contained - "

I'm reminded of being a boy again, building forts in the woods, cooking sausages on sticks. Just a bit different now, though, because I'm hauling the bottle of whiskey out the bottom of the bag. "Fancy a nip to warm up?"

Date: 2009-11-15 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
"I will have you know," I retort cheerfully, "I am skilled in all sorts of outdoor pursuits." I raise my eyebrows at him mischievously.

"And it'd be a good idea. We should find some rocks, too, or heavier logs - keep the fire contained - "

"Those sound like the words of a Boy Scout," I say. "Come on, then, show me how it's done."

He passes me the whisky and I take a swig from the bottle. It feels quite exciting, standing out here in the fresh air, drinking and planning to read illicit literature. I pass the bottle back and look about for some fallen branches.

Date: 2009-11-15 10:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
"I will have you know, I am skilled in all sorts of outdoor pursuits."

I raise my brows right back at him. "If Syl wasn't on her way, I'd challenge you to prove that." I don't think it would really be appropriate for her to show up and find us - in flagrante delicto - even if the idea of her seeing that does make me even warmer. I pull my coat off and drop it on the ground.

"Those sound like the words of a Boy Scout."

I laugh at the idea, drinking from the bottle and gasping a bit at the burn. "Not at all. But it was one of the few things, when I was young, that my father used to do with us." One of the good memories from childhood, that. "Now, we'll need some kindling - see if you can find small stuff, twigs and things, and moss or dry grass or something for tinder."

I start sweeping away the dead leaves from a patch of ground, and finding dead branches for fuel. I'd forgotten how much fun this is.

Date: 2009-11-15 10:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
"If Syl wasn't on her way, I'd challenge you to prove that."

"If she doesn't get here soon, maybe I will," I say over my shoulder teasingly, picking up some twigs. I come across a patch of moss and tear at it, trying not to get mud my nails. I know I am fastidious, but I do hate to be dirty.

...At least in an outdoorsy sort of way.

I come back to Tez and dump what I've found at his feet. He's taken his coat off, which means I can catch at the belt loops of his trousers and kiss him again, because being here in the woods I can't not think about how we were three weeks ago...

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Date: 2009-11-16 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
And just like that, it's alright. Or mostly alright. I'm glad when Tez suggests we get on with laying the fire, though, because I am thoughtful, and I want to be quiet for a moment now that my worry about Tez has passed. This is only the first time we'll be scared like that, I realise. There will be more times. And part of us will have to stay scared, so we don't get complacent and lose everything.

I have this sudden pain in my stomach, thinking of living with that for - well, forever. And I can't help glancing at Tez, thinking of how white he went, and wondering again if he'd prefer -

I have to stop worrying about that. At least I don't have to worry about it being Syl. She doesn't seem interested in Tez that way at all. Maybe she's more like me than Tez...

We get the fire laid, and I feel the knots in my back and stomach begin to loosen.

"I brought some sandwiches," I say, "if anyone wants one." I poke at the fire with a stick, more for amusement than to provide any real help.

Date: 2009-11-16 07:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syl-thorn.livejournal.com
'is dad's liquor cab'net, bloody hell Tez. "Y'been hidin'is in yer room fer two months now?" I says, kinda smilin'.

"We were going to build a fire...got a bit distracted. Fancy giving us a hand?"

"Sure," I says, even though I don't know what th'hell'm doin'. Help t'lay th'wood, an'I got matches, so we manage t'gettit workin'. Still feel jes' awful 'bout what happened. I mean...I jes' didn't think 'bout't. Didn't re'lize...jail, fuck. I mean, I knew 'bout Oscar Wilde 'n allat, but seems like so many girls live open-like, 'r at least sorta open-like't...well, didn't think prison, 'at's fer damn sure. Guess Al's right when'e says't's diff'rent fer guys.

An' 'side frommat...I don't wanna get caught, but if'n I am, worse'at'll happen's I get 'spelled, an'I c'n go back t'school't home 'r jes' getta damn job, 't my age. Russ'n Ma'd beat th'shit outta me, but ain't like'at's never happened b'fore. An'I ain't got nobody ferrem t'take 'way. But Al'n Tez...if'n'ey's got, like's not'eir fam'lies'd disown 'em. Al'd lose allis money, be a total disgrace...an' worst ovvall they'd likely never see each other again. Makes me sick, thinkin' 'bout't. No wonder'ey wuz scared. I feel like shit.

"I brought some sandwiches, if anyone wants one." says Al.

"Okay, I says. An'en kinda clear m'throat. "I brought somethin'. Aside from th'books, I mean." Haul m'bag over'n root through't. After a minute I come up wit' three li'l cloth badges, all ovvem witta symbol'a three rings stitched inta'em. "I made'em'n home ec," I says, suddd'nly feelin' all shy. "I...I know'ey ain't real good, I'm utter crap't sewin', but I 'membered whatcha said 'bout badges, Al, an'I thought..." oh, crap, I must sound like a right idjit.

Date: 2009-11-16 08:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
Al jabs at the fire with a stick, not very competently. "If you do that," I say, amused, "it's all going to fall down before it's properly lit." It's something of a novelty, knowing a bit more about something than Al. Well - something we can do in public, anyway....

Syl's rummaging in her bag, and I peer over to see what she's doing. She brings out three bits of cloth: "I made'em'n home ec. I...I know'ey ain't real good, I'm utter crap't sewin', but I 'membered whatcha said 'bout badges, Al, an'I thought..."

She sounds more hesitant than she normally does. I reach out and take one, and there's a pattern of circles - no, from what she said, rings.

"Syl..." I look up at her. I don't think anyone's ever made me anything before, except my mother, and I'm moved. "I - thank you. Really."

And I think I must be sounding horribly sentimental, so I add, "Here Al and I were just talking about how I'd never been a Scout, and now I've got my first badge. What do you reckon it's for?" I grin at the pair of them.

Date: 2009-11-16 08:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
"If you do that, it's all going to fall down before it's properly lit."

"Alright," I say, "since you are clearly the outdoorsman of the three of us, I'll listen to you." I grin at him.

Syl looks a bit shy and brings out badges stitched with three intersecting rings. I run my fingertip over them. Quis separabit? I think.

"I - thank you. Really." Tez sounds almost choked up, and Syl looks awkward, and I put my arm round her shoulders and squeeze.

"It's brilliant, Syl, really," I say. "Now to decide where to sew it," I say. It's rather fun, having a sort of secret badge. Like being in a club.

"Here Al and I were just talking about how I'd never been a Scout, and now I've got my first badge. What do you reckon it's for?"

I quirk an eyebrow at that, because I have some ideas.

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Date: 2009-11-19 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
Syl and I both laugh over Tez's embarrassment, but when Tez describes him - It gives me an odd sort of feeling. He sounds almost breathless for a minute, talking about this chap's dark looks and intense eyes, and I automatically run a hand over my fair hair. I feel sort of jealous, I think, which is silly... But I also feel a bit warm, thinking of Tez thinking about -

"Your turn, Al. Truth or dare?"

I'm tempted to say truth, since I doubt Tez will ask me anything too awful, but it might seem a bit rum for me not to be a bit more daring since I suggested the game after all.

"Go on, then," I say, grinning. "Dare me."

Date: 2009-11-19 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
"Go on, then. Dare me."

I think for a bit. When I was a kid, the dares were silly things like standing on your head or knocking on someone's door. What's appropriate for this?

...all the things I'm thinking of are totally, utterly inappropriate. At least with Syl here. Even if we are getting a little merry under the influence of the whisky. Though it would be interesting to see what Al would do if he was drunk -

I look at the whisky bottle, and grin at him. "See how much of that you can drink on one breath," I say, and then laugh a bit. "Without making yourself be sick, anyway."

Date: 2009-11-19 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
Tez gets a thoughtful sort of look and I wonder what he'll ask. It makes me feel a bit warm, actually, thinking of the things he could ask me to do, but I don't think he will with Syl here.

"See how much of that you can drink on one breath. Without making yourself be sick, anyway."

"Gosh, Tez," I say, raising an eyebrow, "I think you're trying to get me drunk." I give him a sly sort of smile, and then I take hold of the bottle. "Cheers."

I tip my head back a bit and put my mouth around the neck of the bottle and swallow and swallow and -

"That burns," I gasp, pulling my mouth free and spluttering. I cough for a minute, feeling my eyes water. Bloody hell. I take my handkerchief out and wipe my mouth. I look at the bottle. I've made a reasonable dent, I think.

"That wasn't so bad," I say. I blink a bit. "My head feels rather swimmy." I tilt my head and things sway very slightly. It's actually quite a pleasant feeling, and I grin at them both. "I suppose it's you next, Syl. Truth or dare?"

Date: 2009-11-19 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syl-thorn.livejournal.com
I cheer'n clap as Al down's th'whisky. We's down t'about halfa bottle now. "That burns," 'e gasps, coughin'. Ferra sec I think'e's gonna puke, but'e jes' coughs, wipes'is mouth, 'n sits back up. "My head feels rather swimmy." 'e says, an' tips'is head t'one side. Kinda like a cat tryin' t'get a better look't somethin', annat thought makes me laugh harder. We's gonna be carryin''im outta'ere. "I suppose it's you next, Syl. Truth or dare?"

"Dare," I says, grinnin' back attim. Can't wait t'see what'e comes up wit'.

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Date: 2009-11-19 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
I'm intrigued by Syl's story. She was fourteen - we'd have been in the Upper Fourth at most then... I can't imagine being that age and going off to a bar and picking someone up. She's fearless in quite a remarkable way, and her story is fascinating partly because she seems happy to be so frank about it. All the same, though, I think I'm glad the first person I - touched like that was someone I already knew, and cared about more than I even realised until it happened. Maybe that's awfully sentimental of me.

"Gosh," I say. "Against her leg?" Tez mutters, confused, and I blurt out:

"Maybe like when you used my thighs, you know," and then realise that this may be too much information. Damn you, whisky.

Date: 2009-11-19 08:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syl-thorn.livejournal.com
S'kinda nice, havin' two people list'nin' t'ya so close, bein' so int'rested'n whatchour sayin'. When'm done, Al says, "Gosh.". An'I guess'm gettin' drunk m'self, cuz hearin Al say "Gosh"'s damn near th'funniest thin' ever.

Tez looks kinda confused, "I don't think I understand. Against her leg?"

"Maybe like when you used my thighs, you know," Al says, an' okay, mebbe that's th'funniest thin' ever. But even while'm gigglin'm thinkin' how I c'n bloody 'splain't...don't think neither ovvem've ever seen a naked chick in'eir lives.

"We don't jes' got holes, y'know," I says fin'lly, snick'rin'. "'ere's more t'girls'n'at. There's a..." gotta think how I c'n puttis... "...a li'l bitta skin, right? 's li'l, bu's kinda...kinda like th'head'a yer pricks. An' when y'rub't right..." Grin attem.

Date: 2009-11-19 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
"Maybe like when you used my thighs, you know," Al says, and I shoot a quick look at Syl but she's grinning. I wonder if she knows what he means?

"We don't jes' got holes, y'know," I says fin'lly, snick'rin'. "'ere's more t'girls'n'at. There's a...a li'l bitta skin, right? 's li'l, bu's kinda...kinda like th'head'a yer pricks. An' when y'rub't right..."

When Syl says pricks I can't help but be shocked, but titillated as well. And I'm frankly staring at her, because they didn't teach us about any of this in Biology. I haven't even read about it in the few dirty books I've seen. She plainly knows a bit about how men work, and I have to wonder how, if she's ever...maybe I should have asked her that.

And then I realise I'm staring right at her lap, and look away. I'm trying to imagine what it's like. Oh god. This is certainly an education. "So that's what you meant," and my voice is a bit strangled, "about girls liking sex too."

Date: 2009-11-19 09:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
"...a li'l bitta skin, right? 's li'l, bu's kinda...kinda like th'head'a yer pricks. An' when y'rub't right..."

I've never heard a girl say prick before. It's quite shocking in a way, but I'm more interested in what she's saying to worry about it. I try to imagine just having the tip of my prick, and how sensitive that would be... I'm not sure I'd want just that, but I think of what it feels like to have Tez run his tongue over the end... I shiver a bit and put my hand on Tez's thigh again.

"So that's what you meant,about girls liking sex too."

Tez sounds a bit alarmed but also worked up about it... I suppose he might be thinking of what it would be like to touch her, and I feel a sort of anxious flare in my stomach. I rub his thigh gently, I suppose as sort of a reminder about what I can do with him, and also because it feels nice...

"Are we still playing?" I ask. "Tez, I think it's your turn..." I realise my hand's moved higher up his thigh, and dimly I think maybe I shouldn't do that in front of Syl, but I can't really care right now...

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Date: 2009-11-20 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
I feel Tez fasten my trousers. I just lie back, feeling blood roar in my ears. The sky's turned purple-blue since we ... started.

"You guys're amazin', y'know'at?"

I feel colour flood my cheeks. Now that it's over, I can't quite believe what we've done. I sit up and run a hand through my hair, pulling out a leaf.

"It's getting late," I say. "I suppose we'll have to go back soon." I clear my throat, but I'm not sure of what else to say.

Date: 2009-11-20 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
When I finally manage to look at Syl she's smiling. "You guys're amazin', y'know'at?"

I blink at her for a moment, because...amazing? It strikes me as a curious thing to say. I don't feel amazing at all right now, I feel embarrassed and awkward and worried. But at least she's not horrified or something.

"It's getting late." Al's absolutely crimson. I'm not sure which of us should be more embarrassed about what Syl just saw. I mean, I'm the one who.... Normally now I'd lean over and kiss Al, but I pass him the whisky instead and start picking at the edge of the blanket.

"I need to - um. Dry out a bit first." I gesture helplessly to the front of my trousers, and I think I must be as red as Al.

Oh, god, how are any of us going to look each other in the face at the next rehearsal?

Date: 2009-11-20 09:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syl-thorn.livejournal.com
Tez kinda blinks't me, but'en looks 'way. Al don't look't me't all. 'm feelin' all head-buzzy'n happy 'n still all warm from comin'...but'at starts slippin' 'way. Why won't'ey look't me? 're they sorry?

"It's getting late. I suppose we'll have to go back soon." Al says, brushin'is hair back inta place.

"I need to - um. Dry out a bit first." Tez says. 'e's gone all red. Both ovvem have.

"Um." I says. Startin' t'get cold, an'I toss 'nother log on th'fire. Dammit, wuz feelin' so good ten seconds ago... "We don't hafta go jes' yet. Still got some time, I mean."

We's all quiet ferra minute, an'I feel like I gotta say somethin', so I say, "Al? S'your turn."

Date: 2009-11-20 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
Oh lord, this is unbearable... I have never felt so embarrassed in my life, and I so very rarely feel embarrassed.

"We don't hafta go jes' yet. Still got some time, I mean."

All I really want to do right now is go back to school and sneak into the showers so I can get clean. And possibly cry, because I feel very strange and almost wobbly.

"Al? S'your turn."

I'm not sure I'm in the mood for games. I poke the fire with a stick.

"Why -" I clear my throat. "That dare. Were you just curious, or..." I shake my head. "I suppose that would be asking you for a truth out of turn, wouldn't it?" I glance over at her and manage a weak smile. "Alright... Truth." I'm not sure there are many truths I want to answer right now, but just thinking of a dare makes me feel I'll blush again.

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Date: 2009-11-22 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
"We can't let it come between us. Whatever it - whether it's right or wrong. Don't you think?"

Syl agrees and squeezes my shoulder, and I nod gravely.

"You are right," I say. "All - this - is so sudden," I say, and I'm not sure if I mean what just happened, or the intensity of our friendship, or even the way I feel about Tez and what we have. "It rose up like a hurricane." There's more I want to say about that, but I still feel too - shy about it, and vulnerable. I think I will have to do a great deal of thinking, first.

"Truth," says Syl, and I look at her, surprised. I'd almost forgotten the game.

"I suppose it's my turn to ask," I say. I want to move to slightly safer ground, but still ask something that matters. "Is there anyone you care about - in a romantic sense, I mean. Is there anyone at WT you think about that way?"

Date: 2009-11-22 10:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] syl-thorn.livejournal.com
Al asks th'question, "Is there anyone you care about - in a romantic sense, I mean. Is there anyone at WT you think about that way?"

Sigh'n shake m'head. "Na. Not since...Tez tell ya 'bout Annabelle?" Al nods. Figured'e had. Don't get th'sense'ere's many secrets 'tween'ese two. "Well, after'at....guess I kinda gave up. Hooking up't school...mean, 'side from th'chance't y'hit on th'wrong person an'ey go cryin' t'th'teachers...always th'chance't somethin' like'at'd happen 'gain, that'ey'd get taken 'way...'r worse, that'ey'd let themselves get taken 'way. So...guess y'could say I gave up. Figured...well, older girls seem more open 'bout't, less scared...figured'd wait 'til after I grad'ated. See what happens'en." Quiet ferra sec, jes' list'nin' t'th'crickets'n th'fire. "You two're real lucky."

Date: 2009-11-22 11:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tezcatl-ipoca.livejournal.com
"You are right. All - this - is so sudden. It rose up like a hurricane."

I look at him, and though I know what he means I'm suddenly smiling a bit, because I'm thinking: he's poetic when he's drunk. I'm starting to feel more than a little spinny myself, and there's a tense sort of ache at my temples. Syl grips my shoulder, and I take Al's hand again. It's going to be all right, Al. We'll work it out. I promise.

I feel so sad for Syl, though listening to her speak. "Guess y'could say that I gave up." There's a lump in my throat now. Whisky makes me emotional, it seems. Even more emotional. "You two're real lucky."

"I know," I say, and squeeze Al's hand a bit. "Oh, god, Syl, I know. I never thought I'd find anyone - and then Al, I kept seeing him, and thinking...and I knew there was no chance. Until," and I can hear a bit of awe in my voice, because really I still can't quite believe it, some days, "until there was."

Date: 2009-11-22 11:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
Syl talks about not having anyone to care about the way I care for Tez, and I feel sad.

"You're probably right about waiting until we finish school," I say. "I mean, everyone's so... parochial." I realise how snobbish I sound, and I grin. "After school you could - go to London, or anywhere really that's bigger than here. Which is everywhere, more or less. I - I hope you find someone. I mean... I'm sure I'd like you, if I were a girl," I say, and then think that might sound rather bizarre, but never mind.

Oh, god, Syl, I know. I never thought I'd find anyone - and then Al, I kept seeing him, and thinking...and I knew there was no chance. Until there was."

I duck my head at that, because although I have a healthy self-regard, hearing Tez sound so... awed is enough to make a chap blush.

"You just liked me because I'd never look at you," I say teasingly, because otherwise I'll get dreadfully sentimental. "I think you like things that are hard to get. Hopefully I didn't make myself too easy in the end," I add archly.

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